Songs for the Damned

Today I offer up several musical numbers, inspired by recent events in court...Poke-a-Goat County Court to be specific.

The Courthouse
(Sung to the tune of "El Paso", by Marty Robbins)

Deep in the old Poke-a-Goat County Courthouse,
I had a hearing in front of Judge Droid....

He passed my case seven times without blinking,
Making my afternoon appointments void,

Aye, Aye, what can I do?
Aye, Aye, cranky old shrew!
Aye, Aye, what more can I doooooooooooo...
To escape this g*dd*amn filthy Courthouse.......

Finally after an hour's seclusion,
My case was called, and I was quite annoyed.

I went on to win it (a foregone conclusion)
Then lambasted the Judge for with me having toyed.

Aye, Aye, what can I do?
Aye, Aye, cranky old shrew!
Aye, Aye, Next time I'll SOJ yoooouuuuuu.....
And escape this hometown, biased Courthouse.......

Divorce Man
(Sung to the tune of "Ice Cream Man" by Van Halen)
...

(dedicate one to the ladies...)

Your dissolution's here babe, need someone to keep you cool
Oh your divorce is here babe, need someone to keep you cool
Better look out now though, your attorney's got somethin' for you
Tell ya what it is

I'm your Divorce Man, stop me if you're gettin fleeced,
Oh my my, I'm your Divorce Man, stop me if you're gettin' fleeced,
Pay my retainer and you'll get half of his paycheck at least........
Hold on a second baby....

I'll get you maintenance, ah, insurance,
The whole house and his retirement too
I'm your Divorce Man, stop me if you're gettin fleeced,
Pay my retainer and you'll get half of his paycheck at least........
Hold on, one more

Well, I'm ususally in court, kicking ass and takin' names....
Uh huh, I don't play games, I'm usually in court, kicking ass and taking names...
And if you want me to bed you, we'll have to wait a year (no shame!)
All right ladies..

I'll get you maintenance, ah, insurance,
The whole house and his retirement too
I'm your Divorce Man, stop me if you're gettin fleeced,
Oh my my, I'm your Divorce Man, stop me if you're gettin' fleeced,
Pay my retainer and you'll get half of his paycheck at least