As an associate, albeit a dashingly good-looking and incredibly competent associate, I'm generally not given administrative taks and responsibilities.
However, as the only lawyer with any knowledge of computers, I was recognized and drafted into tech support duty early on in my tenure. As I continued in my dual role, the managing partner started taking responsibilities off of "her plate" and placing them on mine.
In a startling turn of events, one of the senior partners came to me several months ago and asked me about some software program. After a discussion on the feature set of this software package, as well as a cost/benefit analysis, the partner told me "Well, take a look at it one more time, and then make the decision."
I imagine the incredulity I felt must have expressed itself on my face, because the partner followed with "I'm serious, it's your decision. You're the only one who really knows anything about this shit anyway!"
So I made the decision. This began a period of my career which I lovingly refer to (in honor of Robert Goulet) "gambling with other people's money". I purchased hardware, software, office supplies--you name it, I had carte blanche. After a particularly inspiring purchase, the managing partner suggested that I had grossly overpaid for something, and that I should have bought a less expensive version of the item--like the one she had. Innapropriately, she said this in a common area where nearly everyone in the firm could hear her. A bit embarrassed, I shuffled back to my office, from which I was in a perfect position to here this same partner shriek when her version of the "item" in question decided to self-destruct.
Having been redeemed in an almost divine manner (literally ten minutes elapsed between her lecture and her item's demise), I made sure to gloat in public. Suffice to say I now have access to the firm credit card. (Have I mentioned I'm an associate?)
I spent two hours today haggling with a copier salesman trying to overcharge us on a new model we're contemplating leasing. During a break, when a senior associate suggested (again in a public area) that maybe I was being unreasonable, I raised my voice and told her "I'll let you know when I want your opinion. I'll be as goddamn unreasonable as I feel like being." When the senior associate, mortified and furious, marched straight into the senior partner's office and complained about my behavior, the senior partner replied "What were you doing in the meeting? If I had wanted you in the meeting I would have told you to go. I expect that ***** motion on my desk by the end of the day."
So there you have it. I'm untouchable. As I gaze down from my regal technology throne, I wonder what it must be like for the other associates, powerless and resentful that I have assumed my preordained position at the top of the mound....
...then I take a long lunch:)
--J.D.
So, I think that means you need to do some "client development" and take us all out for a night on the town while letting your firm pick up the tab. How can you defend us in paternity suits and demands for child support if we aren't going out, having wild and drunken escapades, and making babies?
Posted by: Prophet | Thursday, January 18, 2007 at 05:14 PM