Pot, meet Kettle.....discuss

Dear Dipshit, ESQ,

    Thank you for your correspondence dated September 19, 2006.  It has been forwarded to my client for their review.  Please allow me to comment on the substance of your letter.

Thank you for pointing out that a four-way conference should be a good-faith attempt to discuss issues in a reasoned and calm environment.  As an attorney whose practice is 100% domestic relations, and who engages in said conferences all the time, this was a huge, HUGE, wake-up call for me.  Based on my previous four-way conferences, and specifically the three conferences I HAVE PREVIOUSLY HAD WITH YOU, I was under the impression that four-way conferences were a chance for douchebags like yourself to belittle the other client, behave in a condescending manner to me, and generally showboat and make no progress towards a resolution of the issues.  Thanks for clearing that up.

Additionally, thank you for pointing out that "civility" is something that needs to be on both sides of the case.  It is a great relief to hear that from you.  One can imagine that, after your client "keyed" my client's car, left the kids alone at my client's house with no key, used the children as couriers for your nasty messages, and announced to them that their mom is a "unrepentant, ungrateful, responsibility-shirking cunt" in a crowded Burger King, I had some hesitations about his ability to be civil.

Also, thank you for your ethical guidance regarding my alleged "lathered" tone and "saber-rattling" in previous correspondence.  I know that in today's world, more than ever, ethical behavior is imperative.  That's why our Bar has attorneys like you, who have never been sanctioned for filing a false pleading, or suspended for innappropriate contact with their own clients.  Oh wait, that was you.  Oh yeah, now I remember, it was us who filed the motion for Rule 137 sanctions against you....that's right....It's all coming back to me now....and Judge Good 'Ol Boy, who hasn't sanctioned anyone since the Reagan Administration, actually thought you were a big enough liar that you needed to be "taught a lesson".

I will indeed call your secretary to set up a time for the conference, at which time we will discuss, AT LENGTH, why your client cannot comply with the terms of the Marital Settlement Agreement, and why he feels "cheated" and that the terms are "unfair" and "not right", despite the fact that YOU AND HE DRAFTED THE F*CKING DOCUMENT WHILE MY CURRENT CLIENT WAS PRO SE AT THE TIME.

Looking forward to pounding you into the ground like a tent peg,

J.D. Crane

P.S.  Please let me know in advance if you plan on bringing your own crow to eat, or if I should order one for the conference.  Also, you'll be relieved to know that you may, in fact, refer to me as your 'daddy' during the conference without offending me, as I plan on demonstrating that fact during said conference.

Comments

[Prophet]

Thankfully, technology has made it possible to integrate a soundtrack with events. I propose that the rest of the comments give JD suggestions for playlists for both his phone call and upcoming conference with Dipshit.

Evanescence - Call me when your sober - seems appropriate for the call, while Andrew Dice Clay’s Face-down-Ass-up seems appropriate for the conference.