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Friday, July 28, 2006

Overheard in the Office this morning...

Partner (calling into office from home): "Hey, someone said you needed to talk to me."

Lawyer one:  "Yeah, it's about this opposing counsel........"

(two minutes of uninteresting dialogue)

Lawyer one:  "BTW, don't forget that the photographer is coming in on Monday to take our pictures for the new website"

Partner:  "Oh crap, that's right."

Lawyer one:  "Yeah, so make yourself pretty, instead of how you usually look when I arrive each morning."

Partner:  "(Gasp) You little shit!"

Lawyer one:  "Hey, hey, hey, no name-calling until after 1pm!"

Partner:  "I'm gonna come in there and kick your ass!"

Lawyer one:  "It's awfully easy to make threats when you're sitting at home in your pajamas, fatty."

Partner:  "You are SOOOOOO dead."

Lawyer one:  "Alright then, if I'm dead I'm not even going to worry about bringing in doughnuts on Monday....."

Partner:  "Oooh!  Get a blueberry one for me!"

(in all fairness, it should be noted that Partner is 4 months pregnant. --J.D.)

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Ladies, I can't believe you ever doubted us.

Booyah_1

Dear Women of the World:

    Hey, this is Man talking. Just wanted to drop you a line and let you know that we love you.  We're concerned about you.  We want to you to be as healthy as you can.  We will do anything in our power to assist you in your pursuit of better heath.  All you have to do is ask.  We stand ready, awaiting your decision to be a healthier you.

Love,

MAN

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

So, you want a Release.

I got call today, and as you can tell it was somewhat out of the blue.

Friend: “Hey how’s it going?”
Me: “Okay, what can I do for you?”
F: “Do you write contracts?”
M: “Yea, I’ve been know to write a contract or two.  What do you need a contract for?”
F: “Well I need a contract between two people.”
M: “That’s a start. What else?”
F:  “Well, I want a contract so I can post pictures and video of them on the web.”
M: “Uh-huh. So, you want a Release.”
F: “Yes, I want a release! Can you write one of those?”
M:  “Well, what kind of website are you going to be posting these pictures and video on?”
F:  “Have you seen Girls Gone Wild? Something like that, but I got my own spin!”
M:  “Let me ask a very important question….. How old are these girls?”

I swear it actually happened like that.

Now for the law 
Transfers of Rights and Releases from Liability are extremely important in the Adult Entertainment industry. A well written release should to accomplish six main goals.

First, the Release has to establish that the model is over 18 years of age. This is falls into the category of common sense, as any model under 18 who “performs” on film lacks 1) “legal capacity” to release the photographer from liability and 2) the film qualifies as child pornography in which case the photographer is going to jail.

Second, the Release should satisfy the record requirement of the Child Protection and Enforcement Act of 1988.  (18 USC 2251 et seq.).  Section 2257 places stringent record-keeping requirements on the producers of actual, sexual explicit materials.  Producers (anyone involved in hiring, contracting for managing, or arranging for models) must attain proof of age for every model they shoot, and they must keep those records on hand for Federal inspectors.  A release that incorporates biographical information of the model and a copy of a government issue ID, will likely satisfy most of the requirements of 2257.  Failure to maintain these records will result in the photographer going to jail.

Third, the Release should make the model aware of the nature of her employment.  In other words, “she is getting naked, and she knows about it well ahead of time.” A simple statement that the work involves nudity and/or explicit sexual conduct will likely prevent a possible defense that model was “forced or coerced” in to compromising positions.

Fourth, the Release has to explicitly state that the photograph has been given permission or the rights to use and reproduce any video, photographs, or audio of the model. While this seems to be an obvious point of a release, if the language describing the rights or permissions is weak, then necessary rights to redistribute the pictures or video may not transfer from the model to the photographer. This section should also make a reference to some sort of consideration (e.g. “for consideration received”) which is exchanged for the rights and permissions received.

Fifth, if possible the Release should transfer all copyrights in the work. A model can be a “co-author” of a photograph in which she is included. While a typical release might only give permission to reproduce the photographs, a transfer of copyrights will prevent the model from possibly assigning her rights in the photographs to a competitor.   

Finally, the Release should release all possible claims against the photographer. A good release statement should be constructed in two parts.  One part should specifically release the producer or photographer from liability for torts and contract claims that are likely to arise.  For example, the statement should explicitly reference claims for future compensation or claims for torts resulting from publication or distribution (e.g. claims for invasion of privacy or defamation).  The second part should release all other claims “known or unknown.”

I help where I can.
I wonder if this work could be considered for pro bono credit... mmmmmm......

*Prophet.

Overheard in the office

"...and this is why we don't hire female associates."  (Part of a phone conversation by a partner after one of our female attorneys announced her resignation following her recent announcement that she was getting married).

In the words of Stewie Griffin, "You're gonna get suuuuuuuued."  Its funny that a law firm which files employment discrimination cases on behalf of women is itself so careless.  Now wouldn't that be the ironic twist, a plaintiff's employment discrimination firm getting sued for employment discrimination.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Overhead in the Office today...

Lawyer one:  "I got soooo drunk last night."

Lawyer two:  "What were you drinking?"

Lawyer one:  "We were hanging out at Chilis and I was drinking Chardonnay."

Lawyer two:  "What?! Chardonnay?!"

Lawyer one:  "Hey, I like wine!"

Lawyer two:  "Well how many did you have?"

Lawyer one:  "Three"

Lawyer two:  "Jesus! You had three bottles?!"

Lawyer one:  "No, three glasses."

Lawyer two:  "Dude, that's it, you are totally gay."

Lawyer one:  "Shut the fuck up!"

Lawyer three: (from down the hall) "I'm not sure, but I think this new client is a total flamer."

Lawyer two:  "You should hook him up with (Lawyer one)"

Lawyer one:  "I'm gonna beat your ass."

Lawyer two:  "Easy there cassanova, I don't play for 'your team'."

Lawyer four:  (down the hall) "Hey, you better be nice to him or he won't share his chardonnay."

Lawyer one:  "You guys are assholes! (walks away)"

Lawyer two:  "Hey man, we're just yanking your chain."

Lawyer five:  "(the client lawyer three was talking about) just called me and left a message on my voicemail.  Does anyone know what he wants?"

Lawyer four:  "I do.  A candlelit dinner with (Lawyer one) and a nice chardonnay."

Lawyer one:  "You FUCKERS!!!!"

Friday, July 07, 2006

John Wayne Litigation Lesson #32

Recently overheard in the office:

Barring testimony is for pussies. Real men, real lawyers stick it to 'em on cross. Barring testimony is for hourly insurance defense lawyers. Widget makers.

This has been your John Wayne litigation lesson for the day, pilgrim.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow....

Overheard today in the office:

Attorney:  "Yes?"

paralegal: "It's your 1pm appointment on the phone."

Attorney:  "Just reschedule him for another day if he can't make it."

paralegal: "No sir, he's actually calling to confirm the time of 1pm.  He said he might even be able to make it a little earlier."

Attorney: "What? Really?"

paralegal: "Yep."

Attorney:  "Tell him yeah, I'll be ready for him whenever he want's to get here."

paralegal:  "Ok sir"

Attorney:  "Also, get Hell on the phone and ask them if it's snowing down there."

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These posts are not legal advice. This is a personal site. As such, views expressed should not be attributed to any law firm. The views of one author do not necessarily represent the views of the others. Copyright 2005-2007.