A little advice...

...to the jurists of Cumoneyewannalaya County:

1.  Before you go down the call, ask if there are any agreed orders first. (dipshits)

2.  If you come back from a recess and the room is packed with attorneys, but none of them step up on any case you call, why don't you ask if there are any agreed orders? (assholes)

3.  If it's an agreed order, ENTER IT.  The bench is not a forum for your bloviated pontifications on what the parties should do, especially if it's not against public policy. (shut the fuck up and do your jobs)

4.  An amusing anecdote is all well and good, but not when it has nothing to do with the matter at hand, and the attorneys are lined up 24 men and women deep. (jackass)

5.  Your courtroom is not the only one in the universe.  If an attorney has checked in not once, not twice, but THREE times and the court isn't ready for the matter, don't throw a fit when your royal highness is ready to hear arguments but the attorney is in another room, having a hearing in front of a jurist who actually gives a damn. (mother f*ckers)

6.  No, we actually don't care what you're wearing under the robe.  (shudder)

That is all...further bulletins as events warrant.