WHEN A MAAAAAAN MEETS A CLIENT.....

...BUT THE CLIENT IS NOT HIS OOOOOOOOWN.....

As I was walking down the hallway towards Judge Frumpy's courtroom in Whattsammattayou County today, I was focused on an Emergency Motion.  Then, something happened to me that had never happened before. (and NO, three midget hookers did not proposition me for a four-way, I said this had NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE......gosh......)

My opponent's client was there and, having recognized me from previous court dates, began to launch a verbal tirade at me.  I guess because the other party, my client, has not been coming for every status date, this client felt the need to vent at someone.  She picked J.D. Crane.  I realized as soon as it started that she had no idea who J.D. Crane was, that she was ignorant of J.D. Crane's fearsome reputation and zero tolerance for yapping little bitches.  Naturally, my response was:

A)  Beat them about the face and head until they start receiving casting offers for "Night of the Living Dead 7--Litigants Attack!"

B)  Look at them as if they were speaking in another language for a while, then call for an old priest and a young priest.

C)  Fart very loudly and then yell out "Why did you DO THAT?!"

As no one was in the hallway, I chose D)  Wait until she was done venting, then sit with her on a bench and state the following:

"I can see that you're upset.  Divorce is probably the worst thing you'll ever go through, so I don't blame you for being upset.  I can tell you two things.  The first is that I'm a pretty nice guy, you can even ask your attorney.  The second is that you are not my client.  I have to advocate for my client, just as your attorney has to advocate for you.  Nothing I do or say in the courtroom is personal, please understand.  We each have a job to do and mine is to defend my client.  God willing, it will all work out in the end.  Neither one of you are bad people, you're just going through a bad time."

At this point, the other client starts bawling, just weeping.  As would be my luck, at this point my opposite walks around the corner, takes in the situation, and angrily asks me what I did. This started a long explanatory bullshitting conversation, which cost me time and my client money.

The moral of this story is, of course, never be nice.  Rather than look around to see if anyone was watching and then be nice, I should have looked around and then punched her right in the ovaries.

Bitches!

Comments

[Jurisconsultus]

You should have just called her a smelly pirate hooker and then told her to go back to her home on whore island.