Initiation

It seems that this first year of practice is fraught with requisite first experiences that affirm to me that yes in fact I have become an attorney. Unfortunately, most of these first experiences are not what one would describe in any means as, well, good. Two of the more recent affirmations have involved interactions with opposing counsels. Ahhh yes, I’ve had the distinct pleasure of not only negotiating with the prototypical ‘Fire brand’ litigator, but also, the unmitigated joy of dealing with that pinnacle of lawyer stereotypes, the Uber-slime ball.

I knew I had first arrived in our noble practice when after some fairly benign and tame debate, opposing counsel decided to use the only strategy available to him– screaming. The highlight of opposing counsel’s diatribe was his finale: “I WILL SEE YOU IN COURT!” and the click preceding a dead phone line. I’m sure his strategy would have been more effective if he had been able to slam down the receiver of his phone, but the emphatic pushing of an off button just doesn’t have the same oomph this grizzled screamer had been so accustomed to earlier in his career. After the end of this, obviously, productive call, I smiled and thought to myself “yes sir, you have begun your initiation to this profession comprised solely of members of the highest character.“ 

The second part of my initiation into this distinguished fraternity occurred in the hallowed halls of the local courts. I had to check in with several court rooms since I was covering several motions scheduled within a short period of time. While checking in for my earliest motion, opposing counsel (to be fair and impartial, I’ll call him Mr. Slime ball) introduced himself and said that if we were called early while I was checking in with the other court rooms he would ask the judge to recall our case after I returned. I returned to this courtroom about 10 minutes later, well before my case should have been called and this is when the excitement began.

Mr. Slime Ball, esq. met me on my way into the courtroom and handed me an “Agreed” Order to dismiss the case, which had already been entered by the judge! For the non-attorneys out there, this means that Ol’ Slimy told the judge that he and I had agreed to dismiss the case and the judge entered this into the record, when not only had I never seen this ‘agreed’ order before it was entered, but definitely had not agreed to dismiss this action. I, oh so gently, enquired of Slime Ball why he failed to hold the call as he had offered, why he wrote up an agreed order to DISMISS this case, and why the hell he had this order entered without even showing it to me! His response, ‘there’s no reason to get confrontational.’ Um, helllooooo, when you tried to trick the court into thinking that we agreed to dismiss the case, and could steamroll over a young attorney, I think you went ahead and may have added some confrontation to the mix!! I was able to persuade the judge to tear up the order and enter one that did not result in a final disposition of the case, so some semblance of order was restored. Slimy was also fortunate in that I chose to focus on my uphill battle with the judge instead of the sanctions he had coming to him.

Stay tuned for the next installment of this joyous initiation!

Comments

[Dave!]

I'm suprised the court didn't sanction him... granted, I haven't had IL CivPro yet, but can't the court do that on their own motion? What a jackass.